If you've started exploring how to choose a sperm donor, you've likely encountered the most fundamental fork in the road: should you use a known donor (someone in your life) or go through a sperm bank?
Both options can lead to healthy families. But they come with very different considerations, legally, emotionally, and for your future child.
Understanding Your Options
Anonymous or Open-ID Bank Donors
When you use a sperm bank, you'll typically choose between:
- Anonymous donors: Their identity is not shared with you or your child. Fewer banks offer fully anonymous options today.
- Open-ID (identity-release) donors: The donor agrees to have identifying information shared with your child when they turn 18. Your child can then decide whether to reach out.
Open-ID donors have become the standard recommendation among fertility counselors and researchers. The trend across the field is clearly moving toward transparency and away from secrecy.
Known Donors
A known donor is someone in your life, a friend, an acquaintance, or sometimes a family member's partner, who agrees to provide sperm. This can happen through a fertility clinic (directed donation) or independently, though clinic involvement is strongly recommended.
What Research Says About Outcomes
For Children
Susan Golombok's research at Cambridge has consistently found no significant psychological differences between children conceived with known versus anonymous donors, provided the family is open about the child's origins.
However, a growing body of research from the Donor Sibling Registry suggests that many donor-conceived adults express a desire to know their genetic origins. In their surveys, over 80% of donor-conceived individuals reported wanting to know who their donor is.
This doesn't mean anonymous donation is harmful. It means that giving your child the option to access that information, whether through an open-ID donor or a known donor, is increasingly seen as the more child-centered choice.
For Families
Research published in Human Reproduction found that families using open-ID donors reported the highest levels of comfort with disclosure. Families using fully anonymous donors were more likely to delay or avoid telling their children about their conception.
The Case for Bank Donors
Advantages:
- Extensive medical and genetic screening (200+ conditions at major banks)
- Legal clarity: the donor has no parental rights
- No ongoing relationship to manage
- Access to detailed profiles, sometimes including childhood photos, audio recordings, and personality assessments
- Option to purchase extra vials for future siblings from the same donor
Considerations:
- Less personal connection to the donor
- If anonymous, your child may not be able to access donor identity
- Cost per vial ($600 to $1,200+)
The Case for Known Donors
Advantages:
- Your child knows their genetic background from the start
- Potential for an ongoing relationship (if desired and agreed upon)
- No anonymity concerns
- May feel more personal or meaningful to some women
Considerations:
- Legal complexity: you'll need a comprehensive legal agreement drafted by a family law attorney. This is non-negotiable.
- Emotional complexity: roles and boundaries can become unclear, especially after the child is born
- Medical screening must be arranged separately (sperm quarantine, genetic testing, STI screening)
- Potential for relationship strain if expectations differ
- If the arrangement goes through a clinic (directed donation), costs can be significant
Legal Realities
This is the area where known donation carries the most risk. Laws vary dramatically by state:
- In some states, a known donor who provides sperm through a physician has no parental rights
- In others, a known donor can petition for custody or visitation
- Without a clear legal agreement, you could face years of court proceedings
If you go the known donor route, hire a reproductive law attorney before any conception takes place. Both you and the donor should have independent legal counsel. This protects everyone, including your child.
Questions to Ask Yourself
- How important is it to me that my child can know their donor's identity?
- Am I comfortable managing an ongoing relationship with a known donor?
- Can I afford the legal costs of a known donor arrangement?
- What happens if the known donor changes their mind about involvement?
- How will I handle it if my child wants more or less contact with the donor than I expected?
The Bottom Line
Neither option is universally better. What matters is that you choose the path that feels most aligned with your values, your comfort level, and your vision for your child's future.
Whatever you choose, be honest with your child from the start. That's the one finding that research agrees on completely.
Weighing your donor options and need a sounding board? Book a session with me to talk through what feels right for your family.