One of the most common misconceptions about solo moms by choice is that they have "given up" on finding a partner. That they have closed the door on love. That pursuing motherhood alone is somehow a rejection of romantic partnership.
The research tells a very different story.
A 2025 systematic review in Reproductive Health found that 85.8% of single mothers by choice wished to have a partner in the future. Solo motherhood is not their ideal version of parenthood. It is a courageous decision they made because they did not want to let their fertility window close while waiting for the right relationship.
If you are in this position, navigating fertility treatment while also wondering about your love life, you are not alone. And you are not contradicting yourself.
Why Solo Moms Date Differently (and Often Better)
Here is something counterintuitive: women who have already started their family-building journey often enter the dating world from a healthier place.
When you have already decided to become a mom, you are not dating from a place of "I need someone to complete my life plan." You are dating because you genuinely want companionship, connection, and love, not because you need a co-parent on a timeline.
Research by Jane Bock from the University of Chicago found that solo moms who enter relationships after making their motherhood decision tend to be clearer about their needs and boundaries. They approach dating from a position of completeness rather than need.
This shift matters. It changes the kind of partner you attract and the kind of relationships you build.
The Question Everyone Asks: When Do You Tell Them?
If you are actively pursuing fertility treatment, or if you already have a donor-conceived child, dating inevitably involves a disclosure conversation. When and how you handle this sets the tone for the relationship.
There is no single right answer, but research and experience point to a few principles:
Not on the First Date, But Not on the Tenth
Waiting too long to disclose can feel like you have been hiding something. Sharing too early can overwhelm someone who barely knows you. Most women find the sweet spot is after a few dates, once you have established a genuine connection but before things become deeply intimate.
Lead with Confidence, Not Apology
How you frame this matters enormously. "So, there is something I need to tell you..." sounds like a confession. "I made a really intentional decision to become a mom, and here is my story..." sounds like what it is: a woman who took charge of her life.
Let Their Reaction Be Information
The right person will respond with curiosity, admiration, or at least openness. Someone who reacts with discomfort, judgment, or dismissal is telling you something important about compatibility. Let them.
What the Research Says About Partner-Child Relationships
If you already have a child and are dating, a natural concern is how a future partner will relate to your donor-conceived child.
Research by Susan Golombok and her team at the Centre for Family Research at Cambridge University found no differences in child wellbeing, maternal mental health, or quality of mother-child relationships between solo-mother families and two-parent families. Solo-mother families actually showed lower mother-child conflict.
Donor-conceived children raised by single mothers by choice show no evidence of increased behavioral or psychological difficulties. And research consistently shows that children whose parents are open about their donor conception from early on have the best adjustment outcomes.
This means that when you eventually introduce a partner to your child, you are introducing them to a child who is thriving in a stable, loving home. That is a position of strength.
Navigating the Emotional Overlap
The hardest part of dating while pursuing solo motherhood is often the emotional overlap. You may be:
- On a second date on Tuesday and at your fertility clinic on Thursday
- Swiping on an app during the two-week wait
- Trying to be emotionally open with a new person while managing the anxiety of a treatment cycle
- Wondering if it is "fair" to start a relationship when your life is about to change dramatically
All of these feelings are valid. And none of them disqualify you from pursuing both love and motherhood at the same time.
Practical Tips for Dating as a Solo Mom (or Future Solo Mom)
- Do not put dating on hold indefinitely. Some women decide to pause dating during active treatment cycles, which is perfectly reasonable. But if you wait until "everything is settled," you may wait forever. Life does not pause.
- Be honest about your bandwidth. If you are mid-cycle and emotionally drained, it is okay to tell a date, "I have a lot going on right now, and I might be a little quieter than usual." You do not owe a detailed explanation.
- Choose dating platforms intentionally. Some platforms allow you to indicate that you have children or that family is important to you. Use these filters to your advantage.
- Do not let anyone make you feel like you are "too much." Having a child, pursuing motherhood, or being in the middle of fertility treatment does not make you a less desirable partner. It makes you a person with a rich and intentional life.
The Bottom Line
Solo motherhood and romantic partnership are not opposites. They are two threads of a full life that can coexist beautifully.
You chose to build your family on your own terms. When the right partner comes along, they will admire that choice, not be threatened by it.
Navigating the intersection of solo motherhood and your personal life? Book a session with me to talk through where you are and where you want to go.